Quotes From This Crazy Girl in Defensive Driving

This blog is about Defensive Driving.

I was framed about a month ago and given a speeding ticket so I gave Ceaser what Ceaser was due and decided to take defensive driving. Around the same time, I found out that one of my best friends in the whole world was a traffic offender, too! "How fun," we both said! We could do defensive driving together!!

So we marched right on down to Capital City Comedy Club at 9 a.m. this morning and sat through 6 hours of painless reiteration of important driving laws presented by a standup comic. We learned a lot and felt really bad for the people who do it online.

p.s. this blog isn't about defensive driving class. It's about a GIRL who was IN our defensive driving class who I'm going to guess had an LSD addiciton.

Per the teacher's request, the students did a lot of talking. After "Amy Winehouse" opened her mouth the first time, I knew it would behoove me to write down every word she said so that I could post a blog about it later...I had a sense that her first comment wouldn't be her last. And as the day progressed, her anecdotes seemed more and more drug-induced, as if the horse tranquilizer she took at 9 had an "extended release" layer that disolved around 1.

So without further ado, the quotes in context:

1. On littering:

"Yeah and don't throw old apple cores out your window either because they'll think you put drugs inside the apple and search your car."

2. On driving while tired:

"I get tired when I ride in cars or when I drive cars and so one time I just closed my eyes for a second and ran into someone."

3. Still on driving while tired:

"One time I was with my friend and I fell asleep while I was driving and my friend was like 'whoa I couldn't even tell you were asleep'"

4. On hitting animals while driving:

"One time in Alaska, I hit a moose. A big ass moose."

5. On driving under the influence:

"The difference between a DWI and a DUI is...one is for drugs."

6. On bikers taking up lanes:

"I hate that bikes have the right to the road here."

7. On Alaskan thoroughfares:

"In Alaska, the road goes two ways."

8. On road rage:

"I watch True TV a lot and on almost every episode a cop gets runover."

"I think it's real stupid when people get mad at you."

"I'm not a bad driver, I just get angry."

9. On collisons:

"Airbags hurt. Plus you have to pay way more to get your car fixed when the front's bent in...but, I guess living is worth it."

10. On running out of gas while driving:

"When I ran out of gas, my brakes didn't work anymore, and I had to run into the thing you take your order on at Sonic to stop the car."